She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
