I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
