So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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