remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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