you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
