Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the day after is always just damage control
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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