saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
