i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
