highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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