Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mom said you looked used
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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