Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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