The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
