There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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