there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
