at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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