Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
