Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want a musical about memes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
