Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
