I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
