Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
