Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
