Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
