yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
