On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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