Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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