I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
