I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The uberlube is also flammable
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
