I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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