U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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