Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got inside last night via doggy door
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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