I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think i got beer on your cat.
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