there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
