my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
