i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
