worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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