Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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