I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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