Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
