no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
