Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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