with your own penis?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
