I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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