So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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