I am puke
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
