If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
