My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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