I can text with my tongue
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
soo... how was my night?
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