dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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