It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
