i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
