I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
