I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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