i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
vagina is talking i cant
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
